The Life of the Evanescent Fallen
by conventgirlvampire
Summary: Things change, people change. Time is not static and Rachel Berry knows that all too well. However, she also knows that she only has a year before the biggest changes in her life occurs. Can she keep up or will she fall prey to the evanescence of all that she once was?


**Title:** The Life of the Evanescent Fallen

**Chapter:** 1

**Characters/Pairings:** Eventual Faberry, Brittana, Chang 2.0, New Directions and Will Shuester for now.

**Word Count:** 3,570

**Spoilers:** AU after season 1 meaning Finchel didn't get together at the end.

**Summary:** Things change, people change. Time is not static and Rachel Berry knows that all too well. However, she also knows that she only has a year before the biggest changes in her life occurs. Can she keep up or will she fall prey to the evanescence of all that she once was?

**Notes: **Weird idea I had after reading one or two fics and getting back into listening to Evanescence. The fic itself will mostly take chapter names and epitaphs from their repertoire and there will be repeats. That doesn't mean they revolve around the songs however as some parts might just be inspired by the mood rather than the lyrics. Also, a warning now, the summary has nothing to do with any medical conditions whatsoever. Read and review please.

**Disclaimer:** _Glee_ and _Cloud Nine_ are not mine. See below for the song credit for the latter as well as the chapter title. Also, _Te Amo_ is by Rihanna, not me.

* * *

**Chapter One**

**Cloud Nine**

_If you want to live, let live_

_If you want to go, let go_

_I'm not afraid to dream – to sleep, sleep forever_

_Cloud Nine_ - Evanescence

Her eyes stayed down as she walked into the choir room for their first meeting of the new school year. She wanted – no, she needed to stay silent until it was time to perform. It was the only way she would go unnoticed, not wanting to have to answer questions about how her summer was spent.

Still, with each person who walked through the door gushing about their time away from school, Rachel felt as if something or someone was slowly killing her. She wanted so much to be a part of that, to be included in the group as much as everyone else always seemed to be.

Puck walked in and glanced up at her but she shook her head with the tiniest of movements to prevent him from joining her in her isolated corner of the room. He had been there for her in the past few months, trying to alleviate the loneliness but there was just something inside of her that even he could not fix.

She could see that he wanted to question her decision but she was not yet ready for him to be near her. His impatience had the potential to ruin the plan she had spent weeks formulating but, when he just nodded and moved to sit next to Mercedes instead, she breathed a sigh of relief. She needed everyone to be here before she could begin.

Smoothing the palms of her hands on her black skinny jeans, she forced herself to stay still and clam. She needed to follow through with this in order to let the old Rachel Berry go but her dramatic side would forever remain and it was that side that was vibrating with excitement.

When Brittany suddenly appeared in front of her she was slightly surprised. Over the summer she was the only person other than Puck to approach her, albeit rarely, and she had long ago learnt that the girl moved like a cat. It was the reason why no one but the blonde had ever managed to sneak up on her.

"You look really hot today Rach," she said with an attempt at Puck's signature leer that was scarily accurate. "Are you still coming over today?"

She nodded silently, distracted by Brittany's outfit. The girl was dressed in a skin tight, sleeveless, deep red top that seemed to emphasise her breasts without appearing vulgar, a flowy black skirt that stopped just above her knee and her feet were bare. It was an outfit meant to complement Rachel's own ensemble which consisted of black skinny jeans, a red t-shirt and a black jacket she had borrowed from Puck along with a pair of boots that had just enough of a heel to raise her closer to Brittany's height.

"That's great," the other girl was saying as she took a seat next to her. "That way we can work on our project for Mademoiselle Bellegarde tonight and show it to Mom and Lord Tubbington."

"Yeah," Rachel replied weakly, unable to say much else in the face of Brittany's cheerfulness, "we can do that."

She caught Puck's eye as he got up to plug her iPod into the dock on the other side of the room and shook her head again. She had changed her mind at the last moment and talked the band into playing the song she was going to perform live. It was probably a bit much but she wanted to have as much of an effect as possible.

When Mr. Schue walked in she stood up and moved to the centre of the room, effectively cutting him off. The familiar beat started up and she sauntered up to Brittany, took her hand and held her close

"_Te amo, te amo," she says to me_

_I hear the pain in her vice_

_Then we danced underneath the candelabra, she takes the lead_

_That's when I saw it in her eyes, it's over_

Brittany had started the dance in the lead but she allowed Rachel to take over as they had agreed to. It started off with the basic form of an Argentine tango until Rachel did that and then she spun Brittany around once before pulling her close to her, their foreheads touching.

_Then she said "tea mo"_

_Then she put her hand around me waist_

_I told her no, she cried "tea mo"_

_I told her I'm not gonna run away, but let me go_

It was something that they had been working on in dance class, the movements meant to tell the story more than the lyrics. As she let go of Brittany's hand and attempted to move away the girl pulled her back, the move bringing her to a stop just before they collided. She feigned uncertainty before spinning her around so that Brittany's back was pressed against her front, hands trailing from her sides to her waist while she buried her head in the crook of her shoulder and sang.

_My soul is awry, without asking why_

_I said, "te amo, wish somebody'd tell me what she said"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

_Think it means "I love you"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

She did not realise that she was crying until Brittany broke the choreography when Rachel spun her from the centre of the room to the side opposite the band to cup her cheek and they stopped for a moment. She knew what _this_ song would do to her, what it _mean_ but she also knew that she needed to sing it like this.

_Te amo, te amo, she's scared to breathe_

_I hold her hand, I got no choice_

_Pulled me out on the beach, danced in the water, I start to leave_

_She's begging me and asking why it's over_

The loss and the loneliness crept over her again as she sang, making her vulnerable all over again as she let the song take over. She and Brittany were still moving, still touching each other in a sensual pattern of feather touches and subtle body rolls but she was no longer in the choir room.

_My soul is awry, without asking why_

_I said, "te amo, wish somebody'd tell me what she said"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

_Think it means "I love you"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

She could still feel hands on her that were no longer there, hear words that would never be spoken again. She wanted so badly to just go back in time but she did not know if she would have the strength to go back, to do it all over again.

_Listen we can dance, but you gotta watch your hands_

_Watch me all night, I'm moving to the light because I understand_

_That we all need love and I'm not afraid_

_I feel the love, but I don't feel that way_

She understood but she was not sure if she could feel anything except for her darker emotions anymore. Breathing deeply, she forced herself to continue singing while she tried to push everything the song brought up to the back of her mind. She could not afford to let them take her over because she needed this, needed the release it offered.

_My soul is awry, without asking why_

_I said, "te amo, wish somebody'd tell me what she said"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

_Think it means "I love you"_

_Don't it mean "I love you"?_

Brittany was whispering in her ear as she sang but she did not hear her. The smell of grass after it rained and nutmeg consumed her and she could hear phantom laughter in her ears. Neither scent nor sound was real anymore but she was still caught in its hold, unable to get out.

_Think it means "I love you"_

_I love you_

_Te amo, tea mo_

_Don't it mean I love you_

As she brought the song to a close she slipped to her knees in front of Brittany, her head pressed into her stomach with Brittany's fingers tangled in her hair. She could barely breathe, save to say "I'm sorry" over and over again.

She felt rather than saw Puck move to stand behind her, his fingers running up and down her back as he tried to calm her enough to allow her to speak. Nodding once to show that she was okay, Rachel stood up and looked at the other members of the club who were staring at her with a mixture of suspicious and awed gazes.

The night before she, Puck and Brittany had stayed up until the early hours of the morning discussing how they were going to handle the aftermath of the performance. Surprisingly, Puck and Brittany were the ones who had voted for her to quit, reasoning that the glee club did not deserve to have her. However, she had shot them down with the argument that it would just make them bigger pains in the ass. She had something else in mind.

One palm held up for silence, she grabbed her chair and dragged it to the middle of the room. Puck held out a duffel bag which she accepted gratefully. Digging through it for a moment she pulled out two pairs of shoes and a pair socks. Handing the socks and the pair of white tennis shoes to Brittany, she sat down and started undoing the laces of her boots.

"First off, no questions about why I chose that song. It's none of your business and it will remain so unless I choose to make it otherwise." She glanced at Mercedes and Kurt, studying them for a moment before adding, "If you go digging you won't find my skeletons. I can guarantee that.

"Secondly," she said conversationally as she pulled on the much lower pair of combat boots, "that is the solo for Regionals. Santana will sing it while dancing with Quinn."

"Why the hell can't I dance with Brittany, RuPaul?" Santana asked, moving to stand. With a nod from Rachel, Brittany went over to the angry girl and forced her back into her seat before sitting in her lap. This seemed to pacify her but not much as she continued, "Why do you get to dance like that with B and I have to touch Juno? Bear in mind you're already on my list for putting your man-hands all over her so you better change my dance partner afore I ends you."

Rachel laughed hollowly. "You think I wanted _Brittany_ to be my partner for this – no offence, Britt-Bear, you were great – that I wanted her to be the one to take all my shit _and_ have me touch her like that? God, you're so stupid sometimes! What you just saw? Not as easy as it looks. If it had been almost anyone but us it would have been stiff and uncoordinated and it would have injured either person involved. Brittany knows this which is why she offered to be my partner in the first place."

She paused, forcing herself to let the anger go. "No, I won't be changing your partners."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat you until you do, Hobbit."

"It was Brittany's idea." Shrugging off her jacket, she replaced it with a black hoodie. "According to her, this is the only way that you and Fabray will be able to work out whatever grudges you have against each other. I don't know and I don't really care. The choreography is going to be reworked to suit your abilities and personalities but I've been assured that you're both natural dancers so it shouldn't be too difficult for you after what you've seen today. That'll be your starting point. Oh, and Britt? Not too raunchy please. It _is_ going to be a competition piece, after all."

Handing the bag back to Puck, Rachel stood up and kicked the chair back to its previous position. "Mercedes, you and Kurt will not be doing the duet. Instead, you two and Tina will lead the group number following Santana's solo which, incidentally, will be _Lady Marmalade_. The duet, which I've selected _What Goes Around_ for, will precede _Te Amo_ and will be handled by Kurt and the new boy, Sam. The performance costumes will be taken care of by Tina and Quinn while Mike and Brittany will handle the choreography for the entire set."

It was at this point that Mr. Schuester decided to speak. "Rachel, I'm sure that those are wonderful suggestions and we'll take them into consideration. However, don't you think it's unfair to not give everyone a chance? And what about Sectionals?"

"Fils de pute! Je tellement en ai marre de cette merde! Êtes-vous vraiment à me parler injuste, en ce moment? Moi? Je ne peux meme pas commencer à –" she ranted in French but one frown from Brittany forced her to stop. "Look, if you don't want my help, fine. Sectionals doesn't matter because we have enough talent to make it through but I have it on good authority that the theme for Regionals is storytelling and the list I just gave you? It works and almost everyone gets featured. I even included Sam, the boy you had Finn recruit without even auditioning. The only ones who aren't getting solos are me, Brittany, Quinn, Noah, Artie, Mike and Finn. Out of those I've just named one is being featured as a spotlight dancer and two are in charge of our choreography, meaning they get major roles. So, tell me how exactly am I being unfair?"

Mr. Schuester did not answer but Rachel had never expected him to. She did, however, expect someone else to speak and she was not disappointed when Mercedes asked, "You're giving up solos but what are you getting out of this, exactly?"

_Predictable_, she thought as she replied, "The solo number for Nationals, of course. I will sing back-up only for the rest of the year if I get that solo and my plan will get us there. Take it or leave it, I don't care."

Grabbing her bag, she moved to the door. "I shouldn't care about this club. I no longer have the time nor the energy to deal with it and God knows most of you don't deserve it. Yet, I'm offering you the chance to shine. You have the power to hurt people and yet I still think you deserve it so really, it's your choice. I, however, have a woman to see about dance moves and short skirts."

* * *

Brittany listened as the others burst out into a cacophony of false pride and arrogance following Rachel's departure. They abused her name and insulted her as if they had any right to do so but she held back from responding, knowing that her ninja friend would not want her to say anything.

_Ninja friend_. Brittany nearly laughed out loud at the term she had used for Rachel ever since they started dance class together. She had never been the smartest person in class but Rachel had seen past that and reached out to her, helping her when she did not understand the things they were learning in school and was too embarrassed to ask Santana without making her feel stupid. In exchange, she helped Rachel with the movements that she could not master on her own and they had, almost inevitably, become friends as time went by, so close as to be nearly one person at times. That closeness now made it hurt for Brittany to hear the words being said about her.

"Hell to the no. I'm getting that solo for Nationals and I'm not going to let some tiny little white girl take it from me just like that." This was Mercedes. Brittany shook her head. Rachel was not white and Mercedes was getting her time to shine because Rachel was stepping aside _now_. Why could she not see that?

"Did you see what she was wearing? She thinks that disgustingly bland outfit will save her or something but it still won't hide that horrible diva personality." Kurt actually made her roll her eyes. Of course he would judge her by her clothes and still find something lacking.

"She doesn't have time for _us_? She's lucky we didn't run her out of the choir room when we saw that distasteful performance." Quinn's words actually made her bristle. Not only was she insulting Brittany's abilities but she also made it sound as if Rachel was lucky to be there.

These were hardly the worst of the comments – in fact, she thought they were rather lame – but she could not stay there and wait for it to get worse. She silently got out from beneath Santana, gathered her things and walked out of the room, not caring if anyone noticed.

* * *

She stood in front of Sue, uncomfortable and nervous in the woman's presence but also weirdly hyped up because she had managed to grab her attention immediately. She was not sure why she was feeling like that but she was on a mission and she was not about to run now that she had made it this far.

"And why would I do that Streisand? You mouth breathers need to be kept in place so that you won't contaminate the winning potential of my Cheerios."

"You misunderstand me, Coach," Rachel said, taking a seat. Sue raised an eyebrow at this but she ignored it. "When I say that I want the slushies stopped I only meant the ones with my name on it."

She watched in silence as the woman absorbed her words and waited. She knew that Sue would pick up on something in that statement and she was not disappointed. After all, Sue Sylvester was not known for underestimating her enemies and Rachel was, at that moment, one of them.

"Let's say I issue such an order. Tell me, why would I risk mutiny from my three best Cheerios? Why should I?"

"Two of them, actually. Brittany's on my side. You really reinstated Fabray?"

"She has connections and the ability to run the squad exactly how I want it to be run. Boobs McGee does not."

"Perhaps, but I have better connections and you know it. Also, I don't want to have to do anything rash and risk having to flee the country if I damage your squad's chances of competing."

"You know me well."

"I have my moments."

"What are you planning Berry?"

"Things are going to change around here. I won't change or destroy the system because you're right. Everyone needs to be kept in their place if we are to have order. I will, however, be taking over the top. I'm going to fight Fabray and Lopez for it but to do that I need to be on equal footing."

"I can respect that."

"I know you can. It's why I'm only asking for the slushies to be stopped, not for you to hand me the position itself. I doubt that would have gone over well with you."

"You are correct. However, I cannot give you what you want."

Rachel blinked, suddenly at a loss. She thought she had understood Sue and was prepared to fight for her request. She was not prepared to be denied outright like this. "Why not?"

The older woman sighed and got up. Moving to the window, she shut the blinds before going to her trophy case. When she returned to her seat she placed a small black box containing a single key on her desk.

"Do you know what this is?" Before Rachel could answer, Sue cut her off. "Of course you don't. It's a key to a safety deposit box in Chicago containing files on every Nazi and Neo-Nazi my parents have ever hunted. Do you know why they were successful?"

Rachel took a chance and replied, "Because of those files?"

"Fast learner, I like that. Yes, these files were part of the secret to their success. Without them they would never have been able to capture and kill them. Knowledge is power, Streisand, and power like that? It gives you total control. Do you understand?"

She nodded numbly. She did understand exactly what Sue was saying and it scared her a little, just how much she did. Rachel had been going about it the wrong way. Even if she had gotten the slushies to stop there was never going to be a way for her to be on equal footing with her opponents after that. They would look down on her and exploit her weaknesses simply because they _knew_ them.

"Good." Sue pulled out two thick, black folders from a drawer and slid it across the desk to Rachel. "Here are Sandbags and Q's files. Read them, study them and prove to me that you're not a mouth breather."

Rachel looked at the files then at Sue. "You're helping me take down your own people? Why?"

"Let's just say that were not the only one who lost _her._"

* * *

Outside of Sue's office blue eyes closed as the owner listened to the discussion. She would have to keep a closer eye on Rachel, if only to protect the girl from herself.

* * *

**"Fils de pute! Je tellement en ai marre de cette merde! Êtes-vous vraiment à me parler injuste, en ce moment? Moi? Je ne peux meme pas commencer à –"**

**Translation:** "Son of a bitch! I'm so sick of this shit! Are you really talking to me about unfair, right now? Me? I can't even begin to -"

French courtesy of a combination of Google Translate, a French dictionary and five years of secondary school French.


End file.
